Life doesn’t pass by in time lapse view. Try as much as I might, I’ll never see the flower bloom; now it’s a flower bud and now it has blossomed.
Tonight, as I explained to our son that his cartoon time is over, tears engulfed his eyes as an intolerable sadness dawned on the sweetest face. I awaited his, now usual, vocal and unequivocal protest.
But, unbeknownst to me, our boy had grown up a little tonight. His scream didn’t burst out of him neither were furniture disturbed by his able kicks.
Instead, a gentle nod appeared as if he had to come to accept the inevitable. Then, his tiny index finger pointed to me and then to the empty screen on which his beloved cartoon had been playing just until half a minute back – the purpose of such a gesture unmistakeably wanting to ask dad to turn on his favorite cartoon.
He then stopped; actually he stopped himself. Tears which had engulfed his eyes began to flow down his cheek as if a river broke it’s banks. They were unaccompanied by a sound that might count so much for a distant whimper in an empty desert.
It was as if he put something ahead of his wish… As if to say to me “Dad, this really hurts. I chose in spite of this to listen to you. This grief is my choice tonight. These tears are my choice.”… It was as if he said “Dad, I love you”. It broke my heart and then melted it some.
He grew up unseen. Now he was just a baby, now he is not just.